ispankmyturtle:

why is it that everyone can be an asshole towards me and that’s perfectly fine but the minute i have had enough and act like an asshole its all of a sudden not okay

6 hours ago   ( 723701 )   via   /   source   — reblog

sherlockfellwithcastiel:

zyzil:

princess-azula:

grapefruitshampoo:

imnotthereasonthatyoureinsane:

tephnos:

sirisles:

dixiesaurer:

aaronwarner-anderson:

mongezeas:

g0kudera:

sarahdesdemona:

ninth-level-of-awesome:

I love how Tumblr teaches us how to be perfect criminals.

Also, if you’re burying a full body, make sure you bury them vertically. Satellites orbiting earth look for holes that are approx. 6ft long because that’s suspicious. Ideally though, drain your body of fluids in a tub ((mix fluids with bleach and let them soak before draining and take precautions to keep your house from smelling like death from your sink and whatnot. Draining the body also keeps decomp at bay a bit and makes it easier to portion)) and cut it to bits. It’s easier to bury a head than a whole body, and takes less time so you don’t have to tell your neighbors, “Oh, I’m night gardening!”

Also, if a dog happens across it, it’s more likely it will devour a single body part than all of your ex-husband.

Another method is to put it into a septic tank. They’re a plethora of bacteria, and the smell of waste covers the smell of decomposition very well.



You should also destroy all teeth, massacre the face and burn fingerprints/remove finger tips to keep from identifying by anything other than DNA.

…I didn’t come up with these ideas, just what I’ve gleaned from reading on the internet.

i used to joke about Tumblr teaching us how to get away with murder, but fuck, man

the thing is when i see this i want to go kill a man just because i have the knowledge

thanks tumblr

Remember when you’re at the crime scene to wipe down all surfaces and then take the victims hands and touch things with them. Pick up cups and run the hands along table tops. A room with zero fingerprints is very suspicious.

If you live near the ocean you can drain the body and cut up the cadaver into small pieces then mix it all together with fish parts and dispose of it easily by pretending to chum the water for fish and sharks. Actually do chum the water a bit before dumping in your victim to be sure there are plenty of hungry fish around. Stick around and fish for a while so anyone who happens to see you won’t get suspicious. This way you don’t have any body parts lying around waiting to be dug up and identified. Plus you might catch a marlin or something.

PLUS YOU MIGHT CATCH A MARLIN

I AFDGFHGKJHKHGFDSF I AM DONE

Don’t forget that the chances of being caught are greatly reduced if you murder someone who has no connection to you at all. Most murderers end up killing someone they know in some fashion, so they’re easily caught. Serial killers kill at random, hence why they can kill a lot before they screw up.

I am not a serial killer, honest.

I am seriously concerned for all of you

please don’t judge me for tagging this for future reference, IT’S FOR PURELY FICTIONAL PURPOSES OK

I’M PRETTY SURE THE NEXT TIME I SEE THIS POST, ADVICE ON BURYING BODIES WILL ADD UP UNTIL IT SUFFICES TO BE COMPILED AS A HANDBOOK

How to kill a bitch: a guide by tumblr

One of the classes at my school is forensics and the final is to write an essay on how to commit the perfect murder.

I think I know what I’m doing next year.

6 hours ago   ( 448652 )   via   /   source   — reblog

queenofheartsonthesleeve:

Did you know that beekeepers have famously attractive eyes ? Every single one of them . I don’t know the science behind it , but studies show beauty is in the eye of the bee holder . 

6 hours ago   ( 7552 )   via   /   source   — reblog
6 hours ago   ( 60734 )   via   /   source   — reblog

egobus:

omg my little brother was using my computer and look at his search history

image

so embarrassing

6 hours ago   ( 20815 )   via   /   source   — reblog

fairhies:

If I reply with “oh” I either don’t give a fuck or I feel like i’ve been punched in the throat

6 hours ago   ( 302904 )   via   /   source   — reblog

datpastaasylum:

dinoduckqueen:

hawkules:

imagine a video game where you create a hero whose destiny is to save everyone, but throughout the game you start making harder and more questionable decisions, and the game gets darker and darker. and in the end you’re just standing there, clutching the controller and finally realizing you were playing the villain all along

fuck

FUCK

FUCK

I WANT

6 hours ago   ( 433150 )   via   /   source   — reblog
Adult: What are your hobbies ?
Me: I like to read(text posts on tumblr)
6 hours ago   ( 63413 )   via   — reblog

AGGRESSIVELY SCREECHES BECAUSE NORMAN REEDUS POSTED A PHOTO OF HIMSELF IN A ROB FORD MASK AND I HIGH FIVED HIM UNKNOWINGLY

ULTIMATE SCREECHING

6 hours ago   ( 1 )   — reblog
"I am a very private person, yet I am an open book.
If you don’t ask…I won’t tell."


— (via adhoorikahani)
6 hours ago   ( 85441 )   via   /   source   — reblog

bigbaldhead:

I’m the mayor and I found a friend. Hi toronto

6 hours ago   ( 181 )   via   — reblog

wakaswagihomie:

vikingserket:

wakaswagihomie:

I TRIED TO TAKE A PICTURE OF YEEHAW YAWNING AND

is your cat called yeehaw

His full name is Yeehaw Will Smith

7 hours ago   ( 66393 )   via   /   source   — reblog

apha4me:

whiskeydrinking-operating:

This is Chester. When I was in Afghanistan I got a care package from one of those “Adopt a Soldier” programs that lets families send care packages to service men and women who are deployed overseas. Anyway, I got this care package, and it came with the usual stuff: Baby wipes, crackers, peanut butter, the Dad threw in a pack of cigarettes, and there was some jerky. But there was also a little beanie baby gold fish and a hand written note from a 7 year old girl that said
“Dear Soldier, (I wasn’t even mad)
I hope you are doing well. I’m sorry you have to miss thanksgiving with your family. This is my friend Chester. He keeps me safe from monsters, but I think you need him more than I do. I hope he keeps you safe from the monsters you’re fighting. Take good care of him for me”.

You bet your ass that little fish was in my pocket every time I went on patrol.

7 hours ago   ( 137510 )   via   /   source   — reblog

joelbyeman:

"you choose your favourite character because they remind you of yourself"

image

7 hours ago   ( 301031 )   via   /   source   — reblog

strawberryjizzbomb:

fake-suicide-of-genius:

theyearoftherequiem:

frenums: 

skeleton smartypants was defeated once and for all

THE REACTION FACES JUST MAKE THIS 84927 TIMES FUNNIER

This is my kind of humor

7 hours ago   ( 384044 )   via   — reblog
HW